Thursday, July 30, 2009

Limited Life Warranty (3)

Edit: The following is not a fishing for compliments post - just fyi

It's been a while since I've been able to put words together.

I say that, with a knot in my throat because I have always - internally - looked down on people who claimed to have what is known as "a writers' block". I never believed in it, let alone claim to have one myself. I mean, come on, I'm nothing but an amateur who likes to think that I can actually put something together that makes sense, entertains, disgusts, or evokes any kind of whatever in whoever. What ability do I possess, or what talent for that matter do I have, and what kind of privilege do I give myself to call myself a writer? And what am I to, not only give myself a title I'm not worthy of, but furthermore bum around announcing to the world that look at me, I can't write anymore after I have oh so generously bedazzled you all with my magical words like I used to.
bunch of crap.

And then for some time, I can't do it anymore.
and it used to come so easily. like you open a faucet and it just flows, so clear, and smooth, and just .. perfect.
relatively speaking.

But I always thought that, you know, it'll come back at some point.
That all of it, will come out at once, and be so perfect again.

and so, I choked on words.
I fought them out of my throat.
I beat them out of my body.
I squeezed out my lungs for them.
all I needed were the right ones...
where did they all go?
the right words next to each other.
to make that perfect sense in my head and let me breath out again.
and I searched
I searched in your eyes
in my soul
in their bodies
between the trees.
among clouds and ants.
on the palm of her wrinkled hands.
I thought I'll find it ...
or them.
and come back with a kick ass story on how mighty I have conquered my lack of expression.

but now I come back empty handed.
I think I've lost it somewhere
along the way.
and the dance is over now.



Vile said...

Tolstoy is credited to have once said "I'm not the river, I'm the net"
what can you do when your river dries?

Zee Puppette said...

wait for the rain? =)

Vile said...

well... I was gonna say "move on, find another"
but that's just me you could always wait for the rain i suppose, does it like... rain often where you're at??

Ninja said...

the writter of peep show -i think- once said, writting is like taking a dump, all you can do is eat and when it's time to write it'll feels like it's time to write. So, there you go..